God, this guy was a dick. We all hated him. In fact, we sorta collaborated a fake news story on his demise.
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Fall 1993
Campus police today are baffled by the sudden disappearance of The Daily Collegian Editor In Chief David Donnelly. Donnelly, who had many enemies on campus, was last seen at the Bucket, where he was, according to one witness who asked to remain anonymous, "plastered off his ass." Campus Police, who also did not like Donnelly, refuse to search for the missing newsman. Fresno police laughed at inquiries as to whether or not they would search for Donnelly, replying, "Would you?"
According to news editor Dave Mirhadi, "Applications for editor in chief are now being accepted at The Daily Collegian office." Mirhadi seemed no worse for the wear in relation to the disappearance. Insiders tell this reporter that an all night party was held at the Collegian with such amenities as a fully stocked wet bar, numerous naked women, and boxes of fine Cuban cigars.
Donnelly as a person could only be described as a loser. He had no friends, no girlfriend and was known to frequent bars with Pee-Wee Herman. Donnelly leaves behind no family that will claim him and a mountain of debts incurred during his tenure at the Collegian.
Tommy Monreal, an employee under the hopefully late Donnelly, commented on the vanishing of his former boss. "I hope they never find his ass," he said. "That son of a bitch was always on everybody's ass. I just wish he hadn't disappeared so I could still take a shot at him."
Another subordinate under Donnelly, Celeste Cox, tried to hold back giggles when told of the news. "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha", said Cox, who is also a ROTC cadet at CSUF. "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha."
Funeral services will not be held because no one will probably show up anyway. Donations in Donnelly's name can be made to the Daily Collegian "Beer and Breasts fund." Cash only, people.
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