Seahawks diss

One of my fellow coworkers was a big time Seattle Seahawks fan (such a breed exists?) and she relished in my Raiders' failures over the past several seasons. Thus, I was compelled to give her a mountain of shit as a going-away present:
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There is no such thing as a seahawk. A seahawk is a mythical bird that does not exist. The term "seahawk" is used as a slang term for ospreys, which are sea-dwelling birds whose diet almost exclusively consists of fish. The other closest animals that would resemble a "seahawk" would be seabirds: gulls, terns, auks, skimmers, albatrosses, pelicans. These sea dwelling birds' main function is to lead scavenging existences, punctuated by their tendency to emit copious amounts of excrement. "Seahawks" was the name given to the NFL team in Seattle that began play in 1976. The only Seattle Seahawk that is in the Hall of Fame entirely based on his performance with the franchise is Steve Largent. The only time the Seahawks made it to the AFC Championship Game was 1983, when they were whipped unmercifully by the Oakland (LA) Raiders. To wit:

1983 AFC Championship Game

Seahawks 0 0 7 7—14

Raiders 3 17 7 3—30

The Oakland (LA) Raiders have won three Super Bowls in five appearances; Seattle has made but one appearance and were beaten by Pittsburgh in Super Bowl XL, 21-10. The Seahawks have never won a Super Bowl; thus their franchise history pales in comparison to the superiority of the Raiders.